Steer Toss!!

Hey! That's me!!! (In the green shirt holding a steer by his head.... Silly monkey....)

Here I am at a rodeo somewhere (I think San Jose, CA) inventing a new rodeo event, The Steer Toss.

Ok, ok; it's really chute dogging (i.e., steer wrestling 'cept I didn't have to fall off of a perfectly good horse to do it).

Uh, I thought I might have more to say about it, but I guess I don't. I really do like this picture. And I think shortly after this picture was taken, I nearly got smacked in the head by one of the steer's hooves. The announcer said, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"

Stinking Sand-bagged Pits of Polluted Goo

So, I bought a generator for the property on E-Bay. Got a DAMN good deal, too. (5kw for $272.) Had to pick it up in Los Angeles, though. So, Karl and I drove down yesterday to get it.

We got it shoved into the back seat of his car (if we'd taken the truck, it would have been cheaper to have had it shipped to me) and took off trying to decide something to do in LA while we were there.

We first went to Venice Beach. Got very lucky and found a free parking space only about two blocks away from the beach. We had a nice time stickin' my feet into the stinkin' Pacific Ocean and walking along the Ocean Walk and such. (I did start singing the theme to "Three's Company" and songs from "Xanadu". I got slapped....)

After we were done there, we decided to drive over to the La Brea Tar Pits since neither of us had been there. We should have stayed in Venice...

We get out of the car at the Tar Pits and are immediately assaulted by the oily stench coming from the tar pits. And that was only the beginning of our dissapointment.

I don't know exactly what I expected to see but it certainly wasn't what was there. Rather than some interesting bubbling pits of black tar and the possible occasional fossil, what we first saw was the tacky floating fiberglass mastadon and the tacky terrified fiberglass mastadon family. I kinda expected that crap. What I didn't expect was the large pond of polluted water with the oil slick floating on the top. The methane bubbling out of the bottom of the stinking pond was mildly interesting. And the pond isn't even naturally occuring; it's a water-filled quarry.

So, we walk around the pond of floating goo. And, on the far side of it, see some "artwork". It was five white reinforced concrete square tubes lying on their sides next to each other. I'm sure there was some vast cosmic significance to them, but I'll be dammed if I know what it was.

Continuing on the path around the polluted pond we come across the stinking sand-bagged pit of polluted goo you see here. That's Karl pointing at them. Look! Trash! Polluted stinking goo!! The build up to the whole Tar Pit experience (which, unfortunately, includes the movie 'Volcano") simply didn't live up to the crap we saw.

The most interesting thing was a tiny patch of ground a little bit away from this large pit of goo. Bubbling up out of that tiny patch was little bubbles of goo. And it wasn't polluted yet, either.

We both hoped that the ironic plastic bottles and various Doritos bags had blown into the pit of goo rather than having been thrown there, too.

I'm glad I didn't go to school in LA as a kid; I would have had to suffer through an annual field trip to this stinkin' place. UGH!

Strange Sticky Note

If you've been reading this BS Blog of mine for a while, you'll know that I bought some property and have been having a hell of a time getting it ready for a house. Included with the property was a little travel trailer. In the trailer after I'd taken possession of the property were a bunch of registration papers but no pink slip; no title.

Trying to be the good little land buyer I am, I tried getting a hold of my Realtor so I could have him get the pink slip for me. But, for whatever reason (I don't want to think it's because the deal was done but it's possible), he basically kind of ignored me. Or he was out of the country. Or something. Regardless, I was unsuccessful in getting the pink slip through the realtors.

So, I wrote to the previous owner, the guy I bought the land from, at the address on the registration cards. I said,

As you know, I purchased [some land] from you and that that land included the trailer on the property. Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate the title (Pink Slip) in the trailer (if it was left in there).

I have tried to get the pink slip through our real estate agents but have been unsuccessful. That is why I'm writing to you directly.

As I'm sure you know, in order to properly transfer ownership of the trailer, the pink slip needs to be signed by you to release liability of the trailer. Can you please either let me know where the Pink Slip might have been left in the trailer or conatct me so we can arrange a meeting so I can pick up the pink slip from you. Also , if you no longer have the pink slip, you will need to complete the DMV form I've enclosed to get a duplicate pink slip.

Unforutnately, if [the bank] still holds a loan on the trailer, we will have to contact them to get the pink slip.

Please call ([phone number]) or write back and let me know what the status of the Title is for the trailer. I appreciate it.

Frankly, I thought I was rather polite and business-like. Told him what the problem is and what I had done to try to fix it.

Anyway, he called and told me the pink slip was left on the couch in the trailer. I told him all I found on the couch was the registration cards and could he please fill out the form I'd sent him and send it back to me.

Well, he wrote back and included both the pink slip and the short sticky note here.

This is the strangest little sticky note I've ever seen. It's polite, friendly, and rude. And in equal measures.

It says, "Bryan, Found the pink, this is all I have, hope you enjoy the property, please don't bother me any more or my Family."

I read that and just had to start laughing. It's like saying, "Have a nice day! Fuck you!"

I had no idea that asking for something he should have given me was a "bother". Much less asking for something he mistakenly still had but thought he'd left. And, I was going to write back or call him and say thank you, but, ya know, I just don't want to bother him....

Anyway, I had a good laugh. And now I can get the crappy little trailer in my name and then sell it.

Oh, Joy! Oh, Rapture!

Ya know, I was hoping that my first couple of posts (the One on PG & E and the One on Your Way Fumigation) would get some traffic. I never figured that at least one of them would get to be the first search result in any search engine. But, as it turns out, searching for "Your Way Fumigation" on MSN yeilds that post as the very first result that's returned. Over on Yahoo!, I think it's number 7. Either way, I'm thrilled that my crappy experience with "Your Way Fumigation" has received some note.

Take THAT you horrible company!!! Maybe you'll try better to not piss people off....

People Read This Thing??

Hey! I've gotten my first comments from people I don't know! Thanks, you two, for commenting on my "Fireworks and a Dick" post! (Though, it was me callin' the guy a Fuckin' Prick, not the other way around. He said something as he drove off into the night secure in his masculinity and shit but I don't remember what it was; or if was even cohearant in the first place.)

Gosh. Now that people are reading this thing, I guess I oughta be more, like, responsible 'n' shit...

NAW!!!! :)

My New "AIDS Cure of the Day™" Blog

I've finally gotten something on the Internet I can get behind... I've started another blog. It's the AIDS Cure of the Day™ blog over at http://aidscure.blogspot.com .

I got sick and tired (what else is new!?) of all the fake cures and outright scamming some people are doing in the name of having a "cure for AIDS". There is no known cure for AIDS and some people are trying to make money off of people afflicted with HIV infection and/or AIDS. In at least one case upwards of $7,000,000 a year to one person/clinic.

So far, I've got three entries and I really think I can keep up with at least one "cure" every day. If you happen to run across one in your internet travels, you're more than welcome to send me mail about it. I have a rather nebulous definition of what I think qualifies a "cure" as suitable for ridicule but send something to me anyway and I'll see what I can do... Chances are, I won't reply to your message but I will get it.

I'm trying to keep a backlog of several "cures" so that I (hopefully) won't run out. (Right now, I think there's about 5 in my backlog.)

Give it a look.

Fireworks and a Dick

Happy 5th of July!

These are just two pictures I took this evening down at the local ballpark. It's obvious what they are. They're fireworks.

And, aside from a royal dick who decided to park the car in the no parking lane I was standing in front of obviously taking pictures, it was a nice evening. I was so pissed off at the guy I almost got into a fight with him. Good thing I recognized the potential of that coming up and backed down; I would have hated to have (1) had my camera smashed up, (2) gone to jail, or (3) finally find out how I act in a fist fight.

He wasn't the first person to try to park in front of me, either. And other idiots decided the law didn't apply to them and parked in the No Parking zone for the duration of the fireworks display. He was just the only one who decided his little brat-child gave him the excuse to be rude and discourteous to anybody else. Fucking prick!

(Good thing, too, I'm not on 'roids.... I might be sittin' in a jail cell right now...)

As he drove away, he decided the best way to show his daughter the best way to handle a confrontation and threw an old McDonald's cup with melted ice at us. I say again, "Fuckin' Prick!"

Anyway, the camera actually takes better pictures than these files show. I'm keeping the file size and picture quality down on all the pictures I post to this blog to keep the blog size down on the server.

Floral Fireworks

Feeling a little frisky, a few flowers florished on the Fourth today; fountaining out like a floral firework from the frigid waters of the frog pond.

Poo Prison Picture

Possibly the penultimate peculiar picture posted, the poo prison wherein poo will be punished and pumped privately to the leech lines. Presently, in the picture's posterior sits my personal home site peering precariously over the Valley.



(I'd go on with that alliteration but it's hard.....)

Do they Make it Easy on Purpose??

Yet another Yahoo!Messenger, uh, "conversation"... This one really needs no explanation.... (All spelling errors are original. And, I've again left his Yahoo! profile name intact to protect the guilty. Or something like that.... I get so confused....)

ranveer201984: HEKLLO

ranveer201984: HELLO

*****ME******: Well, howdy!

ranveer201984: NICE

*****ME******: Nice what?

ranveer201984: U LIKE SEX

*****ME******: Yeah. On certain terms...

ranveer201984: REALLY

{Horny Kid}: CAN ISEE U

*****ME******: Yep.

{Horny Kid}: OK

*****ME******: Why do you want to see me?

{Clueless Horny Kid}: I LWANT TO SEE UR BODY AND UR BOOBS

{Clueless Horny Kid}: AND VEGINIA

{Clueless Horny Kid}: CANU INIVTE ME ON CMA

{Clueless Horny Kid}: CAM

*****ME******: Oh, I couldn't do that.....

{Clueless Horny Kid}: OK

{Clueless Horny Kid}: CAN U INIVTE ME

*****ME******: I don't have a cam. But I have really big tits... I'm squeezing them now....

{Clueless Horny Kid}: HOW CAN I SEE U

{Clueless Horny Kid}: PLZ GO TO PVT ROOM

*****ME******: You can only see it if you're into what I'm into....

{Clueless Horny Kid}: MEANS

{Clueless Horny Kid}: U HAVEANY PIC

{Really Horny Kid}: CAN I GO PLZZZZZZZZZZZ

*****ME******: I have a very small kinky side....

{Horny Kid Who Finally Checked my Profile}: BASARD

{Horny Kid Who Finally Checked my Profile}: RASCAL

{Horny Kid Who Finally Checked my Profile}: BASTARD

*****ME******: What? What have I done?

Ok, one comment. What the hell is a "veginia"????

Nigerian Scam Strikes Again!

Boy, those Yahoo! chat rooms bring out the best of Humanity... The following is a little exchange I had with a guy in Yahoo!Messenger. I've left his Yahoo!Profile name intact because I can. I find the whole thing rather amusing but I think a few comments are necessary to help understand what my thought process was at the time. Those comments are in Purple and Bold 'cause I think it's purty....

I've tried to format the exchange to make it easier to read. I've probably failed so deal with it. ;{) )

{l_k_b001}: hi
{l_k_b001}: asl pls

{me}: Old enough to read a profile..... (Really, this information is in my profile. These twits don't need to ask for it.)

{l_k_b001}: i am online 4 a business proposal which i will like u to assist me in (And here I knew it was the Famous Nigerian Scam. I decide to play along.)
{l_k_b001}: 54,m,southafrica
{l_k_b001}: nice to meet u

{me}: Oh, really??? What kind of proposal??

{l_k_b001}: first,i will like to know ur name and occupation pls
{l_k_b001}: I am Mr. Lewis Kibuuka, Provincial Director Standard Bank of South Africa, Johannesburg Branch (Yeah, sure you are....)

{me}: My name is Bobby Blaze and I'm a Private Investor. (And I have some beach front property in Oklahoma to sell....)

{South African Scammer}: ok
{South African Scammer}: this proposal is worth $25 m(Twenty-five Million Dollars)
{South African Scammer}: i am very serious
{South African Scammer}: this real and noy a joke

{me}: US dollars or Canadian?

{South African Scammer}: us dollars

{me}: Ok.... That's more than I can make in 10 years. What's the proposal?

{South African Scammer}: ok
{South African Scammer}: can i have ur email address so i can send the details of this proposal to u now

{me}: Can't you do it in the this PM window?
{me}: I don't have access to my Email since I'm not in the office. (I don't have an office 'cause I don't work.)

{South African Scammer}: i can send it to u then u can read and reply me when u have access to it

{me}: I'm afraid it will get lost in the server. The IT guys are upgrading them all this long weekend. They said that a lot of email would bounce; and with 25 million on the line, I don't want to risk losing the opportunity. (But I know enough about work to say the right things.)

{Desperate South African Scammer}: so how do i get u to understand the nature of this business

{me}: Tell me about it. What kind of cash do I need to invest?

{Desperate South African Scammer}: ok
{Relieved South African Scammer}: i will brief u on it
{Relieved South African Scammer}: there is $25 m in bank i want to transfer to a foreign account and i will like u to stand as the next of kin to the owner who is dead for long

{me}: Isn't that illegal? I'm not the next of kin. (Shock! Surprise!)

{Relieved South African Scammer}: i know

{me}: Is there a chance of getting caught?

{Lying South African Scammer}: no (Yeah, right. No chance of getting caught 'cause you plan on draining my accounts and then disappearing. Fuck-twit...)

{Lying South African Scammer}: According to South Africa Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the South Africa Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. (Yeah, sure....)

{me}: Ok. Sounds alright. I just don't want to get caught doing anything wrong. (LOL!)

{Lying South African Scammer}: i made an investigation and discovered that Mr. Richard Moss did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank.
{Lying South African Scammer}: so all i need is ur full name ,address ,pnone and fax number(s)so that we can discuss and I can also send you via fax a copy of my ID card and the certificate of the fixed deposit for your assurance that this is a genuine transaction and I want you to take it very seriously.

{me}: I don't understand how I get money out of all this, though.

{Lying South African Scammer}: sorry i forgot (Because there will BE no money for me!)
{Lying South African Scammer}: the money will be shared in a ratio of 60% for me and 40% for u

{me}: So I get 10 million. Is it tax free?

{Clueless South African Scammer}: yes
{Clueless South African Scammer}: u r right (HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!)

{me}: No taxes? That sounds good.
{me}: And how much money do I put upfront?

{Clueless South African Scammer}: so
{Clueless South African Scammer}: i dont know how much it will cost me but i will let u know when the time comes
BUZZ!!!
{Clueless South African Scammer}: r u there
BUZZ!!!

{me}: Yes, sorry... I had to step away. My daughter had issues with the microwave... (I may have a microwave but I don't have any kids; much less a daughter. In reality, I went to the kitchen to fix some lunch.)
{me}: How does the money get to me?

{Gullible South African Scammer}: it will be transfered to ur account

{me}: Oh. with a Wire transfer?

{Gullible South African Scammer}: then i have to come over so u can for my own share
{Gullible South African Scammer}: yes a wire transfer

{me}: Oh. So you'll need my account number, too....
{me}: Let me get that for you..... (I can't believe how easy it is for me to lead this fuck-twit on! LOL!)

{Gullible South African Scammer}: yes
{Gullible South African Scammer}: how many accounts do u have

{me}: I have both checking and savings in 3 different banks.

{Gullible South African Scammer}: ok

{me}: I only have about 20 thousand in each, though. Will that be enough to cover expenses?

{Very Excited South African Scammer}: i think so (LOL!!! He thinks he's going to get $60,000!!!!!!)
{Very Excited South African Scammer}: so can i have ur details

{me}: Which detail would you like first? I'm anxious to get this started as soon as I can....

{Very Excited South African Scammer}: ur full names
{Very Excited South African Scammer}: address
{Very Excited South African Scammer}: phone and fax numbers
{Very Excited South African Scammer}: then account details

{me}: Bobby T Blaze (same name on all accounts) 58789 N Covey Ste 701, Filton, CA 93485 (Not true.)
{me}: 378-767-1686 v 378-767-1867 fax (Also not true. I don't even know if 378 is a real area code. Regardless, if it is, if you dial those phone numbers, all you'll get is the time of day....)
{me}: Accounts 584954648 51560540041 (Nope, not true.)
{me}: 584954648 615604897541 (Nope, not true, either.)
{me}: The rest of the account nubmers I'll have to wait for the IT guys at work to finish up. (Really, I just got tired of making up fake account numbers.)

{Very Excited South African Scammer}: ok
{Very Excited South African Scammer}: but i will like to have ur email address for easy communication

{me}: When can I expect the transfer of the 25 million?

{Very Excited South African Scammer}: within 10 working days

{me}: Not sooner? I could use part of the 10 million that'll be mine for my wife's birthday on Tuesday.... (I don't have a wife; much less one whose birthday is on Tuesday....)

{Very Excited South African Scammer}: its not that easy

{me}: Actually, I know it's not that easy. What you'd *really* do is suck money out of the account information I gave you. Of course, none of the information I gave you was real.

{Not So Excited South African Scammer}: y

{me}: For the past 50 minutes, I have been leading you on because I knew at the very beginning you were trying a version of the Nigeran Scam on me.
{me}: I have successfully wasted your time and got immense joy out of doing so.
{me}: Congratulations on being suckered into *my* scam while thinking you were the one doing the scamming.
{me}: Anything to say for yourself?
BUZZ!!!
{me}: Yoo-hoo!! Mr. South African Scammer!!!!
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!! (I guess he moved on to other victims... At the very least, I hope I saved one person from even coming close to falling for this crap.)

Gorgeous Red Ink Stamps

I'm not sure I can describe the feeling of joy and exaltation I felt not more than 60 minutes ago down at the County Planning office when the foundation plans of the house going on my property were stamped "APPROVED" in red ink. I realize it's still a long way from finished and livable, but the feeling of satisfaction was a rush.

I now have a building permit. (Sorta. I still have to fax them the Grant Deed on the property to prove I actually own it and hafta pay the school district a couple thousand dollars as a "School Impact Fee" for kids I'm never going to have. (Can't I just sign an affidavit saying I'm never going to procreate???)

Regardless, the deeds are nearly done and I can move ahead with getting the friggin' plot ready to live on... "Oh happy day with joyous glee......!"

I HAVE A DATE!!!

I finally have my date! Yippeee!!!! And it's a good one, too.

Turns out my little 6.22 acres was created on August 2, 1967 (about 7 weeks before I was born!) and, as such, isn't subject to enforcement of that bunch of annoying CDF fire regulations regarding the water! Ye-haw!!!!!!

Now, I just gotta get the Building Permit package as together as I can and drag my ass down to the county and get things approved! (Not that it'll go smoothly, of course; nothing ever does....)